The Endless Wait: Day One

It’s not that I don’t trust that you love me when I ask if you do, it’s just that I want to hear you get defensive and shake me by the shoulders and say, “Yes. I love you with every last drop of compassion that I have in my heart.”

I don’t want you to get mad and assume that I don’t want you to have your own life, because I do want you to have your own life. I just want to make sure that I stay in your life.

There’s been a lot of time for me to think about what happened and what I did and what we did, and yes I know that I did wrong and that I made mistakes. There are a lot of things I’ve done that have hurt you beyond time’s healing ability and while I’ve been living with the pain of having to see you doubt me and hate me, I know it compares nothing to the pain you felt and still feel. And it’s wrong of me to ask for you to move forward with me or start over with me, but I want to be with you. I want to have a chance.

No, I don’t and could never hate you. Momentary blindness by emotions may cause me to say such awful words, but you have to override the system and see. I love you and only you.

How could I find someone else after a year of being with someone I believe is so perfect and right for me? I can’t. How can I waltz off and pretend that I’m not hurt and I’m not waiting for my prince to come back? I can’t. You were and are my everything and I’ll wait no matter how long. Even if I wait till the end of my life, I’ll still wait. There won’t be anyone else that I’ll fight for so hard and so long. No one else will even be in my thoughts.

I told you that your arms were the safest place for me. That they were my home.
I can’t leave my home. Not after finally finding out that my home loves me and true love is real.